As I sit on my couch in my new living room, in my new house, gazing at my Christmas tree, I cannot help but think back over the past year. I had a friend visit last night and we were talking about all the challenges the past year has brought into our lives. As we were talking I got a little choked up. I looked around and realized that the tears were not of sadness, they were of joy. They were tears of survival. Tears of picking myself up, dusting myself off and yes putting those stilettos back on my feet. I have walked into the next chapter of my life.
God presented so many challenges to me this year. The first six months I felt like I was treading water and boy was I getting tired, physically, emotionally and spiritually!! I felt like a pin ball in a machine just bouncing around hitting the sides pretty hard. Battling the demons in my head. I had health issues, some that could have been avoided had I taken better care of myself. I still struggle with the idea that my body just cannot always do what my mind "knows" it can.
Physically, I pushed myself to limits that even I am impressed with...especially being a part of a 12 person relay team that ran from Raleigh to Emerald Isle in the Tuna 200 (yeah, that's 200 miles.) Running first thing in the morning...running in the middle of the night...sleeping almost upright in a van that stunk of girl sweat and then running again! Such a wonderful experience with some amazing women, developing a bond that will never be broken.
Running a 4 mile race with one of my very best friends as she achieved her goal of completing her first race. I was blessed to be able to run by her side. She is extraordinary and I am so proud to call her friend.
Mentally pushing through the difficulties of selling a home over 9 months. All the while raising three girls and a dog...and living there only half the time. Pushing through the thoughts that we would never sell it. Then pushing through to let the house go after it did sell. Pushing through the closing of a 7 year chapter that is so close to the end of a 20 year book. Pushing through the complications of being a stay at home mom for 12 years and working part time...then trying to convince a bank to give me a loan. The swallowing of pride. The hoops I had to go through, the humbling realizations that sometimes I just need help.
Spiritually pushing my mind to believe. To believe that the road set ahead of me was paved by The Almighty and I that I should WANT to follow this road as He has great plans for me. Pushing every single day to remind myself that this was a lesson of patience. A lesson of faith. Pushing to forgive myself when I had doubt. Pushing to TRUST. Pushing to REST. Pushing to BE STILL. I learned a lot in this area of my life. I learned about the power of thought. I learned that if you think negatively, your world will seem and perhaps be a negative place. I also learned that if you think positively your world will seem and perhaps be a positive place. Even if things didn't go the way I planned...having a positive outlook made the really tough stuff a little easier to handle.
Although this was definitely one of the most difficult years in my life, the blessings completely outweigh the challenges (which in hindsight, were actually blessings). I have had some wonderful people by my side this year. Some that were there for a reason, some for the season and some who will always be there for my lifetime. God put them where I needed them, when I needed them. He gave me difficult challenges to overcome, yet He also gave me the tools to use to hit those challenges head on.
Once again, my cup overfloweth I will leave 2012 with this...
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
I raise a glass of kindness to you my friends, in love and friendship. Cheers!
