Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Finding myself in a dream

I am a dreamer.  I am an idealist.  I aspire to be the best I can be.  Some people think that dreamers have their heads in the clouds and do not have rational thoughts of the future.  They say we dream of the impossible and will only set ourselves up for disappointment.  I beg to differ...

 I am living proof that dreamers can reach for the stars and bring them home.  Dreamers have a vision of who and how they want to be. They can dream a plan of action and then put that plan in motion.  If they are hungry enough they will do what is necessary to realize that dream.  Dreamers are not wishy washy. They want the best and spend their lives trying to achieve it.  I believe I can change my destiny.  I believe that any obstacle is a challenge that can and will be overcome.  I believe that when life throws you a curveball you can still swing for the fences.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting the past couple of months.  Searching my soul for who I was, but not who I am.  My heart is pulling my dreams into new directions.  Today I am no longer asking why my history is the way it was, but I ask myself how my future will be.  This is a huge change for me.  I feel like I am releasing some chains that have been holding me down for years.  Instead of blaming the past for who I am, I am looking to the future to define who I want to be.  

I have so many dreams...running the Boston Marathon, someday owning a little beach house where I can hear the ocean waves crash day and night, watching my girls grow up and follow their dreams.  Some may say these dreams are not possible.  They may say I am not strong enough to run Boston.  They may say that I will never be able to afford my seaside home.  They may say that MS will not allow me to to grow old and watch my children reach for the stars.  Let them say what they may.  Many told me I could not or should not run my race this past weekend.  They doubted whether it could be done.  Sometimes I doubted myself.  That doubt gave way to will and determination. It showed me that no one could tell me if I could follow my dream.  This weekend I had the best run of my life.  Not because it was easy.  Not because I achieved a personal record (PR).  It was the best run of my life because it was my dream, and I ran it down.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Hip Hip Hooray!

This week is a big one.  Today I had my one year follow up with the neurologist.  I got a thumbs up with some minor tweaking with some meds.  He seemed to forget my goal of running a half marathon this winter.  I was able to sway him into supporting me (he is a runner himself, so it wasn't too hard).  It's not like I would have not participated in the race, but it is nice to know that he does not think I am going to put myself back into a relapse.

So Saturday is racing day!  Grabbing life by the horns this weekend and hoping to get a PR.  I know, I know I had originally said I was going to run this just to prove to myself that I could but what the hell I may as well try to kick some ass (that being my own) and go for it!  I am scared to death and also so excited to take on this challenge.  It will be a true dream come true, crossing that finish line.  Last August I thought I was done for...limping and hobbling along.  I was beyond depressed and truly afraid of what was to come next.  Well with A LOT of stubbornness, dedication, determination and tenacity I am here to say that I have run down this dream and on Saturday I will achieve it.  There really is not a better feeling than giving it your all and then seeing yourself succeed.

While I have no idea what the future holds (do any of us really?) I am living in the moment this week and reaching for that brass ring.  I will have no regrets that I did not do my best when I had my best to give.  I encourage all of you to do the same...find something you want and go for it!