Ok here I am again...I am following up on my last blog post about regrets. I regret writing about how I am concerned about what other people think of me. This is a long time coming and truly I had a break down and a break through this week. The things I need to focus on are not what other people think. Not whether other people forgive. Not what other people say or do not say. I need to worry about myself. I need to focus on what I think of myself. I need to focus on being compassionate towards myself and forgiving myself (no regrets!). I need to focus on what I say or do not say. I NEED to WANT to make myself happy. No one else can do this for me.
It has been brought to my attention that I feed the subconscious misery deep inside me. I expect other people to meet my expectations and if they do not it is their fault. Truly it is my fault. I need to stop the blame game. I need to stop the cycle of feeding this seed of misery. This inner struggle is a pattern that has been going on for years and years. Telling myself I am not good enough. I have never put myself first because I never felt like I deserved first.
Earlier in the year I wrote about running my half marathon in Myrtle Beach. I wrote that some told me I could not do it. That some was just one and that one was me. I talk a good game to all of you. I need to talk a good game to myself.
|Becoming my own cheerleader!|
The first step is for me to take responsibility. No more blaming people, consciously or unconsciously. I have one foot forward and I need to lift that other foot to take the next step. I need to accept the mistakes I have made and forgive myself. Then I need to take those forgiven mistakes, put them in a box and put the box away for good. I need to realize that when I take care of me, I in turn take care of my girls.
My strengths are determination, perseverance, goal driven, compassion and empathy to others. I need to take these strengths and set a new goal. I need to destroy the goal of misery and I need to make a new goal of being a friend to myself. I need to realize that I do deserve to be first and then to take my determination, my perseverance, my compassion and empathy and GIVE it freely to myself. I need to accept that gift, to embrace it. Only then will I truly ever be able to love all of me.