Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Painting a picture


I have been told by a couple different people to write down how I see my "new life".  How I picture it in my mind.  How do I actually see myself "happy"?  Who is with me?  Where am I? How will I know I have made it???  To finish out this post I am going to attempt to share that painted picture that is in my mind.  It comes from the heart of a dreamer and this my friends is completely honest.

I close my eyes and I feel the warmth of the morning sun.  I hear the crash of the waves and smell the salt in the air.  I feel the sand between my toes as I dig my feet in deeper and deeper.   As I take a deep breath in, I hear myself sigh with happiness.  I open my eyes and look out at the mighty ocean God has created.  I see it daily and it reminds me of times when I could not feel the bottom from under my feet.  It reminds me that each day is a gift and to accept it wholeheartedly.  It also reminds me that although the ocean waters are mighty and fierce.  The One who created them is the mightiest and the fiercest and He is by my side, just as He promised. 

As I look over the dunes, I smell the coffee in my hands.  It gives me the extra boost in the morning.  Soon I hear music and laughter spilling out from the kitchen windows of my humble home.  As I look back towards the house that my girls and I have made into a home, I see that is it battered and has a few scars of it's own.  Yet when I take a deeper look I can see inside the windows.  There I see my babies (they will always be my babies) a few years older, still as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside. There is joy in their voices, there is happiness in their hearts.  They have learned through my mistakes that life is not fair.  No one has ever promised that it would be.  Although I know they will make many of their own mistakes, I pray they do not follow the path I chose of most resistance.  I pray that they follow a path that brings them challenges and as they gain strength and overcome those challenges they feel the joy still in their own hearts.  When I look again I see that this battered up home is a symbol of who I am.  I have many scars some in full view and others one may have to look really close to see.  However behind those scars I see a light in my eyes and joy in my soul, just as I see the love flowing through the windows of my home. 
I close my eyes and thank God for my life.  The good, bad and the ugly, for this is what has made me who I am today.  As I listen to the sounds of my favorite things and find myself lost in a dream, my boy Jake comes up from his morning swim and shakes his soaking wet body all around me.  I open my eyes and smile and realize that this is not a dream...this is my life. 


  1. Love it!!!! Tears. After jake has soaked you - you hear very loud noises coming from behind you. It is I - with my three of my four babies ( yes always babies, even though two are all ready taller than me) with all four dogs in tow. The 3 kids run to you, screaming JO JO and give you hugs. The dogs coming barreling towards you. The sand they have all whipped up is now stuck to your watered down clothes thanks to Jake. You babies yell from in the house pointing down the beach- oh my god Mom her comes Taryn and Nickel! You turn you head and see Taryn galloping up to your humble home. The girls are now with us on the beach- each a cup of coffe in our hands

  2. (cut me off) .... We sip our coffees as we watch the kids run, laugh and play on the beach. Our dogs all take a swim. Well not Bruschi he just plops his fat ass down!!! Taryn is showing your girls how to mount a horse. One by one she leads them on a slow walk and then a trot. As the weeks, months and years go by- this scene repeats from time to time and one day we notice there is no lead line, no Taryn showing the girls how to ride. They each on their own gallop on horse back down the beach. We look at each other and smile, realizing wow how they all have grown, learned, changed and how they have all enjoyed each other. No words needed - our smiles grow on our faces - cause we have done the same!!!!

  3. tears, tears, and more tears...thanks for helping me grow, learn, change and for loving me just the way I am...Love you, always