Every day is different from the last. Yesterday I felt like garbage for most of the morning. Humidity was high in Holly Springs and that combined with warmer temps wreaks havoc on my body. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who goes with the flow. Friday after looking at the weather I knew it would be difficult for me to run on Saturday. He stepped up and did his long run then and let me go today. (He is also in "training mode". He has a half marathon the week after mine in Raleigh.) He asked me who I was going with, I said "no one". A couple of friends invited me to run on Saturday, but even with good company I knew it was not going to be good for me.
My first few times running long by myself I was nervous. Wondering if I would be able to do it and not "quit". I have been pleasantly surprised. I woke up this morning, brewed my coffee and laced up my shoes. It was cool and crisp, an absolutely beautiful fall morning. Made the drive to the ATT (American Tobacco Trail) and started to run. I found today that I am enjoying the time by myself. My expectations for the run change with each step I take, each song on the MP3 player and each mile that I log. In the beginning I think oh, no this is so hard, why am I doing this? Then I get lost in my thoughts. When you do not have another person to talk to you can truly have a conversation with yourself.
I was able to get through the first 2 miles and then walked a water break. I've learned that I can stop and start again. Then on the second leg I felt more of a groove, coming up on the turn around point (4.5) I thought I should stop and take a break. I decided to see if I could make it to 5 miles. Before I knew it I was almost to six. I got lost in my thoughts and found my stride. I was able to keep a strong pace and not even realize it. When I had my water break at mile 6 I was amazed at how great I felt. I was hoping the last 3 miles would prove to be just as smooth. Overall they were. There were some spots where I thought, ok you are pushing too hard...and I slowed it down and then the song would change I would here the words pushing me along, and I was imagining myself actually running in the Outer Banks. I could see myself running in amongst all those who had trained just as hard. For me it was such a great visual, almost "outer body" It was all about this feeling I had inside me. I could see my girls at the end. I could see James cheering me on. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for all the support and love that these 4 people have given me. I actually started to tear up on the trail.
My thoughts went to how I wanted my girls to know that even when life deals you a hand and you are not sure what to do with it if you have faith in God, faith in yourself, and faith in your family you will make it through to the other side. The past 6 months have given me such strength to take another step towards my ultimate goal...raising 3 little girls who believe in the power of themselves. Who are strong in Spirit. Who rise to the challenge, whatever that may be.
Today I am thankful. I hope to be as thankful tomorrow, regardless of what the day brings me. My wonderful mom, who I know worries about me so, sent me an email this morning that I may make my new mantra. 'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' I am hoping to remember this in the rough times as well as the good like today. Thanks Momma!