Wednesday, January 13, 2010

First 2 weeks of the new year

Well nobody said life was easy or fair did they? The last two weeks for me are one for the records books...and not the kind you want to keep. Since just before Christmas James and I have been trying to move forward with the diagnosis of MS. We decided that a second opinion would be the first step to take, along with researching drug therapies. Well it has been the longest three weeks we have had in a while. I do not know how many times I have read and reread my last post from New Year's day. Trying to keep myself in a a positive frame of mind while managing pain and exhaustion.

Those of you who know me well know I have a "sense of urgency". This is a phrase of have used in all aspects of my life, whether it be when I was working outside the home or now when I am home and volunteering. I have had a "let's get this done" kind of attitude. I like to consider myself a mover and a shaker...a doer...a woman of action...a go-getter...a grab life by the horns kind of girl, you get my point. I think this also classifies me as a "type A" personality also known as a "control freak."

These last two weeks have been nothing but humbling to me. As my health seems to spiral out of control and the medical community, in my eyes, taking no notice at all...I realize once again how little control I have. Doctor's offices not returning phone calls, not responding to their colleagues in a timely manner, the protocol and office politics are just enough to make a sane person crazy! Thankfully I have family and friends who pull me back from the edge. I thank God for putting these people in my life, for without them I have no idea where I would be.

After three weeks of trying to get a second opinion scheduled and finding that my first choice(3 hours away in Charlotte) was not available until April and the second choice (in Winston-Salem) was not available until the end of February, my third choice (in Chapel Hill) was not available for 18 MONTHS (seriously would anyone wait this long, ever?!?!?) and a fourth choice (in Charlotte and not even in the original plan) was not available for a month I had pretty much had enough. I was waiting for the doctor's to work all this out...BIG MISTAKE. Now after MUCH persistence, crying and a nose to the grindstone attitude I have an appointment next week locally. There were rules that needed to be bent. There were assurances that this would NOT be my doctor. I have been told that this is an exception, so many times, that I think they think I am a little slow on the uptake.

With that said I feel a small, tiny sense of relief. I feel that progress is being made. This does not take away any of my symptoms, in fact the process may have contributed to my most recent "flare up". Stress does not bode well for anyone who is seeking a second opinion. It amazes me that the medical community as a whole is so detached that this type of scenario is the "norm" not the exception.

I think I have an idea of what will happen next week...but one never knows. This roller coaster ride is an adventure to put it nicely. Twists, turns, reverse name it and it has happened. The best thing to come out of the past few weeks is a knowledge of no matter how crazy and unpredictable this ride is I have a solid support system in place. I have three beautiful girls who have learned how to be caregivers themselves with their words of encouragement, prayers and hugs. I have the absolute BEST friends anyone could ask for who have stepped up, filled in and helped me find those damn boot straps to pull myself up again.

And once again I remember that I am blessed.


  1. Hang in there and stay strong. You have much to be thankful for. Keep your sense of humor!

    Aunt Anne

  2. I know I sound like an old record but you are so eloquent with your posts. I dod believe if you decide to go public with your blog you will be helping a lot of people. The fact that you can always find the blessings amongst the storm clouds inspires me every time I read your posts. Thanks Jo!