I have been struggling the past week and a half to find words to describe how I feel about my high school friend's passing. I have wanted to write my thoughts down and let them go. I have sat many times to write and the words just do not come to me.
I am conflicted in many of my thoughts. I want to be mad, sad...I want to kick and scream from the rooftop that LIFE IS NOT FAIR!! I want to curl into a ball and cry...I want this to be a bad dream. At the same time I feel like I need to run out and grab life by the horns and give it a good shake. I need to live the moment...smell the flowers, enjoy the sunshine and then the pitter patter of the rain. I need to squeeze my babies and fill them with every ounce of love I have...just in case. I want to call and write all the people I know to tell them how much I love them, how wonderful they are and how I am blessed to have them. I want to have NO REGRETS!
Well life is certainly not fair and no one ever said it would be...but life is also what we make it. We can choose to hide. We can choose to be mad and sad. We can choose to throw a temper tantrum when things do not go our way. That may feel good for a moment, but what's next?
What if we choose to show our face, if we choose to smile, if we choose to laugh and to sing? What if we choose to dance and not care if anyone is watching? What if we choose to enjoy each day we have, no matter what it brings? What if we choose to LOVE BIG and to GIVE MORE and to BE HAPPY? What will happen next?
I think about how my friend Karla lived. She had a zest for life. She had a huge heart. She had a beautiful smile. I think that is what I will remember most, her smile. So in the words of Charlie Chaplin and in honor of my friend Karla who is in Heaven smiling down I choose to smile.
"Smile though your heart is aching, Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by.
If you smile through your pain and sorrow, Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun shining through For you.
Light up your face with gladness, Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile."